Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
