remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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