Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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