One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
