I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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