That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
