Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
did i just pee glitter
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize