Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
