allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
