Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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