let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
