so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
