I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
