My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
