Your favorite bartender is back from prision
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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