My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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