um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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