Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
