i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
