ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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