I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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