There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
