Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
