at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
