he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
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