im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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