no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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