Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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