I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
