Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
