Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
