And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
