you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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