I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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