Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
