oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
