He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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