She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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