Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
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Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So much rum. So many feels.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
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When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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