My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I need water and some morals
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
