can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
