can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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