Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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