..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
