My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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