please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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