you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
We had sex on a dog bed..
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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