dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize