She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
