Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
