So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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