FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
