also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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