I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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