life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
