Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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