the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
