But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
