but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
