9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
