the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Who died my cat blue again?
My vagina just clenched in fear
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
