I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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