4 words: hood of his car
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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