actually, I'm a sock model
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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