U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
