A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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