he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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