Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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