Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
