I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We left the knife in your bed.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
