Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
What drink are we having for lunch?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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