If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
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