the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
