i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
they're like a gay fantastic four
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
