is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
