I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Randomize
