I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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