I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Green mimosas i think yes
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
