Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
